My Plea

Months ago, when I was planning a calendar of blog posts for my new author website, I saw the date for National Gun Violence Awareness Day and planned to write a blog about my first book. I wanted to bring awareness to the issue by talking about the 2 years of research I did on teen mass suicide shootings.

But there are much more important things to talk about. And that’s where the problem begins.

There are a lot of things I could discuss here—analyzing the details of the shootings and the shooters, debating gun control reform, comparing us to other countries, looking at the implementation of red flag laws, discussing mental health, and laying out my own views. But people have been writing about all those things for years—there are plenty of articles already, and I wrote a book. So why are we stuck in this terribly endless loop?

Maybe it has to do with something that’s steadily been deteriorating since I wrote that book: genuine civil discourse.

That was the main reason I chose to research this in the first place. It was maddening listening to people talk in sound bites and bumper stickers, repeating the same hollow phrases from lawn signs or interviews with politicians. And that was 13 years ago. Now there’s much more vitriolic rhetoric. We have tweets with limited character counts and memes and gifs to pass around. Never mind lack of context—we’re completely erasing dialogue.

The biggest danger of that is the erosion of education. Instead of keeping an open mind and embracing knowledge, there’s been a shift toward sugarcoating history and creating false narratives. Getting a degree used to be a positive thing—now it’s painted as elitist. We don’t agree on facts anymore, only people in our tribe can be trusted, and we don’t have to engage with things that go against our values.

This is why we can’t get anything done. There’s more focus on getting in that sick burn, “owning [insert political party]” or shutting down the other side than there is discussing the actual problem. There’s no interest in finding any commonalities that could lead to compromise. In fact, compromise is now a dirty word, along with empathy and understanding.

Now, that doesn’t mean I don’t send memes or gifs that perpetuate my beliefs. I’m just as guilty of that as anyone. However, I think of that as an emotional response. We’re all frustrated with the world, and these kinds of things help us blow off steam and keep some shred of sanity. But if the discussion ends there, so too does our progress, as a nation and as a society.

I’m also not naïve enough to believe that everyone will come to the table for a rational discussion. There’ll always be people who want power, and they will do whatever is necessary to obtain and maintain it. But in a democracy, those people need voters to put them in those positions, which is why it’s imperative to have an informed and engaged public.    

And this extends beyond the mass shooting debate into abortion, the economy, climate change, foreign affairs, etc. So many times when I talk with someone about connecting with people who have differing opinions, their conclusion is, “Don’t bother. They don’t think the same way.” But that’s ALWAYS been the case; this is nothing new. That’s what democracy is, the freedom to have different beliefs. Unfortunately, that idea has been co-opted by extremists and twisted into a detrimental “us vs. them” mentality, where we’re not even allowed to try and work with the other side without being labeled a traitor. And while a lot of people I know will say this is a conservative thing, I’ve seen reductionist commentary on social media from liberals as well.

Recently, someone told me they had read an article debating whether or not pictures of the children who were killed at Uvalde should be shown to the public, in an attempt to sway those against gun control reform. But there’s no need to convince people that children dying is horrible—we agree on that. The disagreement is where this problem begins. I know a few people who are responsible gun owners, trained and registered, who make sure their kids understand firearms and respect the kind of harm they cause. To them, the problem isn’t guns, but rather the people who don’t have that same experience.

The conversations need to have data. Evidence has shown this has nothing to do with video games, or the lack of God in schools, or gun nuts, or Trumpers. It isn’t one thing. And if we don’t address ALL aspects that contribute to the issue, including taking a hard look at ourselves and the way society deals (or doesn’t deal) with real conflict, then we’re already doomed.  

We recently watched the documentary George Carlin’s American Dream which reminded me of his bit about focusing on the things everyone can relate to: forgetting why you walked into a room, trying to tell someone they have something on their face but not getting them to wipe the right spot, and miscalculating how many stairs there are and taking too large a step at the end. It’s one of my favorite routines, not just because it’s hilarious, but also because it’s true. We’ve lost sight of our many shared experiences, whether it’s joy or frustration with things like our jobs or everyday responsibilities. And we’ve allowed politicians to turn the floor of Congress into a mud-slinging pit.

So, what can we do? Talk to our neighbors. Don’t automatically dismiss someone because of their political beliefs. Go outside our bubbles to find common ground. Read up on candidates for the midterms and beyond to see what solutions they’re proposing. We need to get back to listening, not shouting over the other side. And we need to come together and look beyond 2 sides to figure out how to stop these tragedies. Because if we continue down this path, we’re only paving the way for more hopelessness and violence. And I don’t know how much more we can take and still be called the United States.